How becoming a mum empowered my view of myself and my body. Every pregnancy, every birth, and every child is different; and needs to be viewed individually. What I would like to share with you though is how my pregnancy, my daughter’s c-section birth, and becoming a mum empowered my view of myself and my body. Two days past my due date I was sitting in front of my doctor, she looked at me and she didn’t say anything for a few long seconds. In this moment I knew, “Okay, something must be wrong.” “Your baby turned again,” she said. “It’s in a transverse position, you can’t have a natural birth and you have to have a c-section today. Please drive to the hospital directly, we will arrange for surgery this afternoon”. My first reaction, as some of you may understand, was a mixture of emotions. I started crying immediately. I always hoped to experience a natural birth. I called my loving partner and my mum, both encouraged and gave me love, which helped a lot in that moment. Up until that point I never thought about what it means to have a C-section, I just heard terrible stories from others and thought I absolutely needed to give birth in a natural way.
During pregnancy - listen to your body and your gut feeling, they will tell you what you need.
I don’t exactly know where this pressure comes from or why it exists, but I felt myself being told how childbirth should be. All around me topics like natural births, home birthing, hypnobirthing were trending. It seemed like everyone was saying, “If you’re strong,” or “If you prepared enough,” then I would have this magically ideal birth. For sure, it was magical but in its own individual way. I learned that births are so dynamic it’s almost impossible to plan for everything. It’s not like an exam in school that if you study well for, you’ll get a good grade; you have to go with the flow and listen to your intuition.
Everyone intuitively knows what’s best for them, that’s my very strong belief. This is especially true during pregnancy. It is important to listen to your body and your gut feeling, they will tell you what you need. But it’s definitely challenging to filter all the outside influences and stay connected to your intuition. For me, I feel the most connected, healthy, and alive when I treat myself well. Eating delicious and healthy food; breathing fresh air; connecting myself with the elements: going surfing and kiteboarding, centering myself while meditating, doing yoga, or going for a walk in the woods; wearing comfortable clothes, so that my body can feel free; having a good time with people who I love and who love me; and sleeping well and enough. These are my secrets to feeling good. What are yours?
The details of my daughter’s birth are very personal and I would like to keep some details private, but what I would like to share with you is that my c-section surgery went very well and I didn’t feel any pain during the surgery. The doctors put my lovely angel onto my chest right after, while my lovely partner was beside us, and it was the most beautiful feeling that I ever experienced. The most physically painful thing about my c-section was probably the catheter before birth and when the post surgery pain kicked in. Resting and recovering after a c-section, taking care of a newborn, and dealing with uprising emotions are very challenging and overwhelming. I’m grateful that I was surrounded by a loving and supportive partner, family, friends, a great midwife, and therapist. The midwife said to me that during postpartum, everything needs to flow: blood, sweat, and tears. Interestingly, a lot of unresolved trauma came up so as encouraged I decided to work together with a therapist, who helped me understand, resolve, and let it flow. For me personally, I’m waiting for the day that seeking therapy becomes mainstream because it has a lot of benefits for individuals and our society as a whole to grow and connect to one another.
Don’t you think it’s beautifully fascinating how female bodies can create life? The fact that my body created life is so incredible. I am still amazed when I think about the process of it, that only after 10 months, my daughter is ready for the world. Then everyday when I wake up next to her and she is smiling at me, I’m filled with so much unconditional love. With all of that, when I reflect on how my body has changed after pregnancy, birth and being a mum; I truly feel, “SO WHAT?!” This experience has empowered me beyond anything I could have imagined. I feel more feminine, more curvaceous, and even more strong than before because I know what my body and mind is capable of: creating life and so much love.